Joan Bakewell is a journalist, television presenter, and Labour Party peer. Below is a transcript of a recording she made as part of a special set of Humanists UK audio broadcasts for Prison Radio.
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My name is Joan Bakewell. I’ve been invited onto prison radio to talk to you as a humanist. I’m also a broadcaster by the way, I’ve had a lifetime of broadcasting for the BBC. So you may have seen me, you may not. However, I’m speaking to you as a humanist, which I have been for many years. You may already know that, just as religious prisoners have the legal right to chaplains of their particular faith, non religious prisoners have the right to humanist visitors and humanist pastoral care. Well at the moment, with prisons being shut down in the way other institutions are across the UK, it’s just not possible for humanists, pastors, pastoral care, to see the prisoners they usually see and speak to them about their concerns, and give them the kind of support we’re used to offering. Instead, some of us from Humanists UK, as the national organisation for humanists, are coming on to your radio to talk about humanist themes in place of the support we would usually offer to you directly.
Humanists don’t believe in the afterlife or supernatural things like miracles and so on, but they do believe in the values of humanity. They believe in the absolute value of commitment to our fellow man, concern for each other, making the world a better place. That’s what we believe in. And we believe in the here and now, rather than in some fictitious world, beyond which nobody can really explain to us. So we’re in the here and now just as you are. And I’m here to speak of the sort of hope that you can have in your life, so I thought I would cheer you up, and there’s nothing that cheers you up as much as humour.
Humanism isn’t against humour, humour is a great quality of human existence, and it gives much pleasure to people in life. So I thought I would read you two rather peculiar poems. One is by Roger McGough, who is a rather cheeky, clever writer who writes of people’s wilder ideas. And this is a poem called, ‘Let me die a youngman’s death’. Now don’t let that frighten you because it’s a very funny, whimsical poem about the best things about life. Here we go.
Let me die a youngman’s death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath deathWhen I’m 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight partyOr when I’m 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber’s chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insidesOr when I’m 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but oneLet me die a youngman’s death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
‘what a nice way to go’ death’
It’s a rather amusing poem, isn’t it about a young man not wanting to live to a great old age and live a rather sad and declining death? Well, I’m in my 80s now, so whatever, whenever my deaths come, it will be an older woman’s death. That’s no doubt about that. So I’m moving on now to another poem, which is written by Spike Milligan. Spike Milligan was a very witty, humorous, very cheeky, very clever – and he’s written this poem called – it’s very appropriate for the times, by the way, given the the virus and its problems – but this poem is called ‘Smiling is infectious’. Okay.
Smiling is infectious,
you catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.
I passed around the corner
and someone saw my grin.
When he smiled I realized
I’d passed it on to him.
I thought about that smile,
then I realized its worth.
A single smile, just like mine
could travel round the earth.
So, if you feel a smile begin,
don’t leave it undetected.
Let’s start an epidemic quick,
and get the world infected!
Well, that speaks for itself, doesn’t it? So over the airwaves, I’m sending a smile to all of you.